When Did Self Control Go Out of Style?

I had originally planned a post on developing purpose for my triumphant return from a month’s leave and a hectic return to normal life, but alas – I left my ideas book at work.  So instead I have chosen to dust the layers off this wee post which has been sitting in my drafts for many weeks and was waiting for the final link to come along.

…….

Ages ago I read March by Geraldine Brooks, which is a book meant to be a semi-fictional account of the father of Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women.  The story follows Mr. March’s establishment as a gentleman, and then his trek off to fight in the American Civil War.  All the while he is writing letters to his wife and daughters back home and reminiscing of their traits, shared memories and tribulations.

One of the things that Mr. March prides himself on, as it would seem many other characters of that era/culture do, is self-control.  He takes great comfort in knowing that in all circumstances he attempts to keep the utmost control of his reactions and responses.  His wife, on the other hand, is what we might call “feisty.”  She is passionate about her cause of helping enslaved blacks – to the point of extreme vocal hosility to anyone who dares question the appropriateness of emancipation.  To the calm and collected Mr. March, this is unacceptable behaviour, and he continually coaches his darling wife in ‘self-mastery’ with the aim that they might both be spared the embarrassment of her emotive outbursts.

This got me thinking about self-control and the role it plays in our lives now.  Do we give the same weight to being self-controlled as they did back in the Victorian Age, or is there a greater emphasis on having others understand your true feelings?  If the second seems to be the case, then is that healthier, or does it lend itself to the development of unnecessary melodrama?

While I will always be a believer in open communication (both positive and ‘constructive’ – especially in the office), I certainly note that a dose of self-control along with that communication can do wonders for the reception of a delivered message.

Furthermore, the loss of self-control in the office can make a huge difference to how we are seen by our clients, bosses and co-workers.  According to this study by a post-doc at Yale in 2007:

“[a] man who gets angry at work may well be admired for it but a woman who shows anger in the workplace is liable to be seen as “out of control” and incompetent[.]“

So was Mr. March on to something when he cautioned his wife about controlling herself?

But is it just women who need to fear being seen as over-reacting drama queens?  Apparently not if you have anything to do with the global market.  A new study done by BPS Research finds that the use of anger might be cultural – but not based on sex.  In studying Western vs. East Asian cultures they found that:

“The effect of anger was opposite for the two cultural groups: the Western students were more likely to [...] make a concession if the client got angry whereas the East Asian students were less likely to [do so] in this situation.”

I find it incredibly interesting that one culture (which has traditionally been called more introspective and collectivist) finds self-control to be a trait worth rewarding, whereas the other (more individualistic Western) culture has somehow ended up rewarding the all-powerful angry-man.  I think I might take some lessons from Mr. March on this one.